


Fire burns away, but I like the ashes

by foxes_dregs



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Andreil, Exy, F/M, Foxes, M/M, kevalliosn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-30
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:48:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21615601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foxes_dregs/pseuds/foxes_dregs
Summary: After the finals, Foxes scatter around to finish their classes for the year, but Kevin is still trying to get over Riko's death. He's struggling with getting a hold of his life and one pretty persistent defensive dealer certainly isn't helping him cope with his grief.Kevallison enemies-to-lovers slow burn :)
Relationships: Abby Winfield/David Wymack, Jeremy Knox/Jean Moreau, Katelyn/Aaron Minyard, Kevin Day/Allison Reynolds, Matt Boyd/Danielle "Dan" Wilds, Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 10
Kudos: 31





	1. Chapter One: Kevin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kevin and Wymacak stay at the funeral in New York. Kevin deals with his grief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Playlist: In the End by Linkin Park

> "Time is the substance from which I am made. Time is a river which carries me along, but I am the river; it is a tiger that devours me, but I am the tiger; it is a fire that consumes me, but I am the fire." -
> 
> Jorge Luis Borges

Kevin pulled his knee up to his chest as he took another drag from the bottle of vodka he was currently cradling. He felt the bitter sting of the alcohol burn his insides as his mind became even blurrier. He should have eaten something that would absorb all the alcohol he was planning to consume that evening, but his appetite had gone to hell the moment he saw the tombstone with elegant cursive saying "Riko Moriyama", surrounded by flowers and beautiful messages from devastated fans and supporters who didn't even know him. The presence of the entire Raven line didn't help either - Master just gave him a cold look, but the sideways glances followed with silent contempt from his former teammates made his stomach turn. He couldn't help but feel sorry for them - undefeated champions, their winning streak broken by the laughingstock team of the NCAA, the captain lost to suicide after both his hand and career were ruined, or so the stories said. Kevin knew exactly what happened, and he still had no fucking idea how to deal with it. After their win at the finals, Neil came back from his audience with Ichirou, wearing a satisfied gleam in his eyes. He reminded him more of his father then, his voice steady and full of hatred as he delivered the news of Riko's execution. He still couldn't describe that feeling after absorbing the information. He wasn't even sure it was a feeling, just a cold numbness spreading over his body and bringing the memories of Exy and the brother who stood beside him through everything.

The post-game party and the drive back to the hotel passed in a blur of alcohol and his teammates' loud celebration, so next thing he knew, he was saying goodbye in front of the bus that drove the Foxes back to Palmetto. No one else wanted to stay for the funeral, which was to be expected, except for Coach who offered to drive him back so Kevin didn’t have to be alone. Everyone knew the real reason for Wymack insisting on staying were Kevin's questionable coping mechanisms that would have probably gotten him killed after he passed out or panicked himself to death. Figures. Abby drove the rest to finish their classes and prepare for the upcoming holidays and Wymack and Kevin returned to the hotel to make preparations for the funeral. He still didn't know how he felt about attending - was it for himself or the public picture that was slowly falling apart. Foxes reacted with loud disapproval, all except Renee and Abby, who convinced them that Kevin perhaps needed a chance to say goodbye.

He didn't know how he made it to the end of the ceremony without snapping, but the next thing he knew, the casket was being lowered and he felt a strong hand on his shoulder. He winced, stumbling backward from shock and grief, but the strong familiar voice brought him back from his panicking. 

"Hey, kid. You all right?". 

_It's only Coach. Get a hold of yourself._ He thought while trying to regain his mental balance and turn from the funeral before anyone else noticed him falling apart. The mental image of an older man swinging a cane at him didn't help, especially with the Master staying just a few feet further. Two deep breaths of cold air and his vision cleared. The press will be all over this if they already weren't, and he had no energy to endure their agonizing interviews. He wouldn't be surprised if some of them shameless vultures showed up with cameras and insensitive questions right there on the spot.

He managed only a frantic nod while regaining his balance, then turned his back and started walking toward the car, not bearing to be there for a second longer. Coach said nothing the entire ride back, filling the silence in their rental car with radio and occasional sounds of Kevin emptying the contents of his newly acquired bottle. Coach left him at Abby's because no one was staying at the apartment for the evening. Also, Kevin didn't want to deal with everyone at the Tower, especially with the mood he was in.

So now he was at Abby's couch, staring at the TV while half-paying attention to some history show, trying to get drunk enough for the blissful darkness to claim him. He was sure he wouldn't get any sleep without anything in his system, so drinking was his only option if he wanted to get any sort of escape from his dire thoughts. 

What the fuck was he doing? He was supposed to be at the court, drilling his left-handed shots and making up for the year and a half he lost fucking around with his non-dominant hand. He was supposed to be a champion. He and Riko. Brothers, the sons of Exy, irreplaceable and inseparable. They'd play for the Court and go to pros together, making history, the same way they were doing it with Ravens. Yet he was done with being just another number in their collection. 

He hated him. He missed him. He hated him for making him miss him.

A knock on the door brought him back into reality and he cast a glance at the clock. It had been only two hours since Coach left him there and he wasn't expecting anyone to visit him. Maybe Coach or Abby forgot something or just thought he needed someone to put him out of his misery. He stumbled to the door and unlocked it. After blinking a couple of times to clear his double-vision he recognized the shape glaring at him from the hallway.

"What's up, fucker? I didn't know if you were back from that black shithole yet. Are you done moping over your sadistic boyfriend or do you want me to come back later?" She didn't try hiding the contempt from her voice, but Kevin didn't care. Allison Reynolds was being a bitch and he didn't intend to explain anything to her. He slurred something that was supposed to be "What do you want" and turned his back on her to lie down on the couch. Getting up was a mistake and his body was protesting heavily as he half-stumbled half-fell back to the cushions before he could throw up. 

Allison regarded his sorry state with a sneer and a look of plain disgust. "You're pathetic. I can't believe anyone ever thought you were over them. Or was that cute chessboard piece and ‘fuck Ravens’ posture just for show? It was an impressive performance - the always charming Kevin Day never ceases to amaze his followers."

"Fuck you, Reynolds. Fuck you. If you spent half the time you waste staring at the mirror practicing passes, maybe our defense line would have a chance of looking any less miserable", he spat and turned his head back to the TV.

The response was muffled, but he knew she was in Abby's room looking for something. "Don't worry. I'm just here to borrow Abby's hair straightener and then I'll leave your sorry ass to drown in self-pity."

He huffed a laugh and closed his eyes, wishing for sleep to come so he wouldn't have to put up with anyone's shit anymore. His head was throbbing and the room was dangerously swaying, so he supposed he wasn't far from his goal anymore. Just at the moment he was hitting the brink of falling asleep Allison stepped into the living room making a frustrated noise followed by a set of impressive curses.

"What the _fuck_. What the actual fuck is this?"

It took him a moment to register what she was pointing at. At the floor, crumpled and teared in half was a picture of him and Riko. It was a pretty old one, back when they were both twelve and didn't even have their numbers permanently printed. Both boys were leaning on their racquets and staring at the camera boringly like they already knew they owned the world. Kevin didn't even know why he had it or how it had gotten there, but it didn't matter, because Allison Reynolds had no fucking rights calling him on it or even sounding mad about him trying to get over his entire past.

"Get out of here." He growled. "I don't want anyone around here anymore."

Allison looked like she was ready to run him over with a truck. "No, listen here, asshole. This team has been dragging you around on their backs for long enough. Maybe the rest have agreed to keep their mouths shut about it for now, but I'll have none of it. You've been acting like a fucking superstar-prince for a year now - always looking down on us and throwing every mistake at our faces. Well guess what: you would have been nothing without this team. Guess who took you in when your precious Riko smashed your hand and left you all bloodied and broken lying around in the Nest? Who had to put up with your fucking bullshit and that attitude that certainly didn't contribute to getting the team together? You think you did us a favor - that we wouldn't have made it far without you? This team is a fucking mess, but we're fighters and we _die_ every damn day on that court trying to make something of ourselves. And after everything that bastard did to them, to us, you still have the audacity to mope around and call us out for telling you to knock it off. If it weren't for this team, you'd still be walking around with that number on your face and your left hand in your pocket, so I suggest you go on and fuck yourself. "

Kevin didn't even realize how hard he was gripping the bottle until it smashed from the force of his grip and shards of glass sliced his forearm. His ears were ringing, but he couldn't feel any pain from the intensity of his anger. How dare she say any of this. She has no place in any of his business, and especially not in his past and the complexity of his feelings toward his old team. She was just a spoiled brat trying to get attention - one win at the National Championships and everyone thought they knew the whole goddamn score.

"Way to go, idiot. I wonder how will you play your precious Exy with so much glass in your hand." She was still pissed, but now she reached for his hand. "Here, let me -"

"Get off me. I'll call Abby to patch me up. Just get out, I don't want to look at you.", he practically spat the words as he shoved her hand away from his. 

"Suit yourself.", she scoffed and left the apartment with a loud bang of the door. Before he even knew it, Kevin was swallowed by darkness as he drifted to unconsciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes:  
> So this is the first chapter from Kevin's pov. I decided to start from Riko's funeral to go through the process of mourning and dealing with his death. I know Kevin went through this "over the Ravens" and everything, but as Nora mentioned, Riko's death shook him pretty badly and he's still far way from letting go of him. He took a big step in leaving both Ravens and Riko behind him by covering his number, but he can't just erase half of his life in a week. Riko was abusive and cruel, but they still went through a lot and stood by each other for years, so of course, Kevin will be mourning his brother or the boy Riko could have been if he wasn't part of the Moriyama family. Just go easy on our boy Kevin, he has a lot to go through. And yeah, Allison, she's being a little bit insensitive, but all of the Foxes are. They hate Riko, which is completely understandable, after all the pain he caused. Allison is still getting over Seth and she can't understand how can someone grieve over the death of a monster. Anyway, sorry if I went to deep into characterization rn but I felt it was kind of necessary for the introduction and all.   
> I love screaming matches so you better get used to these. All credits go to Nora Sakavic.


	2. Chapter Two: Allison

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Allison goes to the Court to let off some steam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Playlist: Knockin' On Heaven's Door by RAIGN

> "Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before."
> 
> Edgar Allan Poe

By the time she reached her pink convertible at the end of the parking lot, Allison was simmering with anger. She didn't expect to see Kevin at Abby's, but the encounter rattled her to the core and evoke bitter feelings she kept buried for almost a year. A sudden wave of agonizing grief knocked the air out of her lungs and the next thing she knew, she was kneeling on the pavement clenching her fists so hard that the skin on her knuckles cracked open. 

_He's dead. He's dead._ She didn't even know who was she thinking about- Seth or Riko. Everyone moved on pretty much two seconds after he died, his death being no more than just a passing problem and the lack of players, but Allison still felt the hole in her chest his death pierced open and nothing ever managed to sew it shut. Seth could be a real dick when he hit one of his moods and their relationship was a chaotic mess, but he picked her up when she was at her lowest and gave her a reason to fight. She loved him and she missed him so much and now he was gone.

When she first came to PSU, she was a starving mess with a ruined reputation and nowhere to go. Her new roommates were a wannabe overachiever who hated her because she was rich and an annoying girl who'd rather spend time staring at the Bible than socializing with anyone. With the Foxes, everything came with a fight - especially if you were a woman. But she didn't mind, not one bit. She came here to play, and only to play. She gave up everything and she wasn't going to let some nobody trample all over her damn dream because they couldn't keep their shit together for one practice. Allison Reynolds fought her way to the NCAA Class I Exy and she wasn't going to go down easily.

Guys were condescending misogynist junkies with no sense of team spirit and the only person who seemed to want any semblance of a functional team was Wilds. Coach let them brawl among themselves, but in the end, it all came down to one thing - if girls wanted to attain any sort of respect and credibility in that team, they had to stay together. Their friendship was an act at first, the one that was pretty convincing at the court but fell apart the moment they entered the dorm. Renee was mostly ignoring them, but Allison and Dan had matching tempers and rough practices frequently ended in screaming matches and vile insults. 

The only person she could find some sort of common ground was Seth Gordon. Seth was one profoundly unstable individual, with moods changing more often than the weather and an abundance of life-shortening addictions. On his bad days, Allison wanted to murder him, but when he laid off the drugs and chased away his demons, he was the only person Allison could lean on. 

After she was hospitalized and treated for bulimia, her parents caught the message and released her from their financial empire, leaving her to do what she pleased with her life. A month later, and Allison was still struggling with her appetite and gaining weight. She didn't reject her food any longer, but her muscles were in a sorry state and there wasn't a chance that she would be able to play on a serious level if she kept going like that. Seth was the only one who saw her as a more than just a rich piece of ass or a spoiled brat - he saw her determination and potential on the court, her will to succeed and be better. He took the steps of her recovery with her, putting together a diet plan and refusing to let her fall back into that pit of despair and regret for her choices. She wanted to help him in return, get him off that colorful specter of drugs, but that was a losing fight, and she soon saw Seth for the only thing he could be in her life - an unstable presence she would eventually need to let go of. 

Yet all of that didn't make losing him any easier.

When she finally managed to get up, her knees hurt and she had several cuts on her hands where her nails had pierced the skin. Kevin's behavior pushed her off the edge she was already very close to and she suddenly felt all too tired. Her anger mixed with grief left her feeling empty and alone, the sort of helplessness she couldn't shake away. She promised herself she'd never let herself fall that deep down again, but in moments like these letting go seemed like the most comfortable option. 

She knew where she wanted to go, where she needed to go, the only place that would make her feel any better after an emotional brawl like this. 

She sat in her car while digging out the keys to the Court from her purse and fifteen minutes later she was gasping for breath doing suicide drills. She set out a vicious pace, the only way to forget about everything and clear her head. Sometimes she thought it would be much easier if she had someone to practice with, but no one could know she was spending her free time on the court. They all thought her a princess, Exy being only an escape from her old life and an alibi to go to PSU, but no one had any idea Allison wanted to make it big. She didn't tell anyone about her dream to make it to the pros and play for the US Court one day. She told no one about her 4 am practices or stats of all other NCAA teams she kept in her head. They wouldn't even suspect it, because Allison didn't care about Exy. It was her armor, that no one knew about her love and desperation - because if she never accomplished anything, no one would know that she failed. She wasn't any good, but she was trying and she was willing to do anything to make it, and that had to count for something. If nothing, all those years taught her that only the toughest of them bastards survived this world.

When she was on the court, everything else disappeared. She wasn't an only child trying to impress her parents by dressing up and putting as much makeup as she could. She was a fighter, fearless and unstoppable. When she had a racquet in her hands and a ball in her net there was nothing else in the entire universe but the steps she was going to make to get the ball to the offense. The Foxes were a mess, but once they got their shit together they could play like the perfectly synchronized machine and Allison wouldn't trade that feeling for anything else in the world. Their victory at the NCAA finals was the best thing that ever happened to her and that game will remain carved in the surface of her mind for the rest of her life.

After draining her body to the last drop of energy, she went to change and shower realizing that she had been on the court for almost three hours. She made a mental note to schedule her visits to the court more carefully next time, because anyone could have walked in on her and she wouldn't have even noticed. She picked up her phone and noticed some worried texts and a few missed calls from Dan and Renee.

"Hello?" Renee's worried voice greeted her from the other side of the line. "Al, is everything okay?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't it be. I just went to the mall to pick up some things after getting the straightener."

"Oh, so do you still want to go out tonight?"

Shit. She'd definitely forgotten about that.

"Fuck, Renee. I'm sorry for blowing up your night. I got distracted. If you're still up for it we can still go - I won't even get ready."

Renee chuckled sweetly and answered with a sigh: "No worries. We figured you might need some time so I left with Dan and Matt to the bar to get some drinks for the evening. If you're still in for it you can come to join us."

"Thanks, but I think - I think I'll pass." She was too exhausted to do anything but hug her pillow right now.

"Alright. Have a good night." A pause. "And... Allison?"

"Yeah?"

"You know you can always tell us what's wrong. I know you're having a rough time and I won't be pushing you about it, but I want you to know we're right here."

"I know. Thanks, I guess." She murmured goodbyes and hung up because she didn't want to talk about that shit. She was grateful for Renee, but she hated it when people treated her like something fragile and weak, and tonight she didn't have the energy to put back her facade.

She was over with this shitty day and content enough to let sleep claim her the moment her head hit the pillow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last boring chapter I promise things are going to start happening now. I really love to go into character development, but I also felt like I should get some introspective of both characters especially because I changed a lot of things in Allison's character. I made them for the sake of this fic, but also because I couldn't understand some things about her character, especially from the extra content. For example, Allison starved herself and defied her super-rich parents only so she could play Exy - why would she care so little about the sport if she risked so much for it? I know she must care about Exy and the Foxes, but in the books, it seemed like it wasn't such a big part of her life, but here, Allison loves Exy and she wants to make it as a professional. Nora mentioned in her asks that Allison moves into an apartment and tries to get into her parents' good graces after she graduates, but I also decided to completely discard that because, again, she wouldn't leave her entire life if she would just to get back to it later. Sorry if these things are OOC, but they seem perfectly logical to me and the dynamics between Allison and Kevin are going to be much more interesting if they both love Exy.
> 
> All credits go to Nora Sakavic.
> 
> And thank you all for kudos and comments!!!


	3. Chapter Three: Kevin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Foxes return from the break to meet the new recruits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Playlist: Somewhere I belong by Linkin Park

> "The pain of parting is nothing to the joy of meeting again."
> 
> Charles Dickens

To Kevin's great displeasure, Foxes scattered during the summer break to visit their families, so he was left to haunt the Court alone with no one to practice with. Nicky went to Germany to visit Erik, Matt and Dan traveled to New York to spend some time with Matt's mom, Renee went home to North Dakota and Allison rented some sort of fancy resort with her cousin. Not that he cared one bit, after the things she said to him on Sunday. Aaron and Katelyn visited Katelyn's parents and Neil and Andrew left for Columbia despite Kevin's angry demands that they stay with him at Abby's and spend the time practicing.

"We'll need every opportunity we can get if we want to repeat anything near what we did the last season." 

Despite the somewhat fortunate circumstances, Foxes proved they could pull themselves together and work their way to the higher levels of the championships. It was going to be a rocky way, especially with new recruits coming in, but he expected them to get at least to the first round of death matches, if not semi-finals. Not that he was ever going to tell that to any of them. 

"And fucking around wasting time in Columbia won't help us accomplish that."

"And moping around the dorm and consuming half of the world's vodka supplies won't either. Seriously though, are you trying to get sponsors? You might want to ask Adidas or some other non-life-shortening brand”, Neil said with a smirk.

_Asshole_. But Andrew's death glare from the doorway stopped him from saying anything else and decided to leave them be for the time being.

"You can call me when you get rid of that attitude and decide to come back to practice."

"Don't hold your breath." Said Andrew and slammed the door on their way out.

From then on he spent most of his time alone on the court, with occasional dinners with Coach and Abby and calls from Dan and Neil. The cuts on his hand started to heal - most of them were shallow, but there were two where the glass cut a bit deeper and it still hurt when he clenched the racquet too hard. He was lucky he cut his right hand, or he wouldn't be able to play at all. He considered calling Thea from time to time, but he still had no idea what to tell her. Could he ever tell her the truth? Would she even understand if he told her everything that has happened to him? Thea understood the Ravens' lifestyle more then anyone else he knew and her determination and obsession with Exy made her easy to spend time with. Yet their relationship seemed more like a way out of Nest's anguish and passion born from nothing more but lacking the actual choice when it came to partners. Kevin had never had much choice, but with Thea, at least it seemed like he could share something more than just anger and bruises. In the end, he decided to settle for comfortable silence and wait in case she wanted to contact him first. He wondered when he'd fully stop running from every problem life threw at him.

His break passed faster then he thought it would and, before he knew it, Neil and Andrew were back at their dorm. Kevin dragged them to the court not twenty minutes after they put their bags on the floor, but neither of them complained about his drive to get them back on track. They took his critics with an unexpected calm and, one time, when Kevin told him he was slow, Neil even smiled.

"God I missed this.", he said while reaching for his water bottle.

"If you'd missed playing that much you would have visited the court sometime and maybe you wouldn't be in such a sorry state." 

"No actually, I meant that I missed you being a dick and making me want to stab myself in the liver every time you open your mouth”, he replied dryly.

"Please don't. I don't think I could take it if your passes became any slower."

"Asshole." He felt a cold trickle of water in his hair and realized that Neil emptied the remaining contents of his bottle on his head and was running towards the locker room before Kevin could say another word.

He wrestled a sudden urge to go after Neil and shove a block of soap down his throat and hung back on the court, set on doing some more drills before he called it a night.

Andrew was still standing in the goal with a bored expression, but he showed no intention of going after Neil. Only a slight raise of his brow gave any indication that Andrew was still paying attention to him. Kevin figured it was an invitation for them to keep playing. Kevin exhausted himself to the core trying to get through Andrew's defense and before long they were both leaning on their racquets trying to catch some air. When both were barely able to stand, they finally decided to call it a night and left to change. Neil had already jogged back to the tower so Kevin could drive shotgun in Andrew's Maserati. Sitting in the silence of the car, Kevin realized how much he missed the two of them. Their constant jabs and bickering during their night practices became a comfortable constant in his life, and he noticed that heavy loneliness that has settled in his chest after Riko's death suddenly seemed absent and far away. The thought of having someone with him in the dorm awoke a sense of safety and certainty in him, even if it meant the three of them would just ignore each other for the rest of the evening.

When they entered the dorm he noticed three plates filled with some sort of pasta and his stomach started to churn. Neil was watching TV, but when he noticed them enter he motioned to the table and they sat down to eat.

"Didn't know you knew how to cook."

"Mac and cheese isn't a culinary extravagance, really", Andrew said chewing and Neil stuck his tongue out.

After dinner, they were all too tired to do anything else so they dragged the beanbags in front of the TV and spent the evening fighting over the controller.

***

During the next week, the remaining Foxes returned to the Tower and soon the entire team was buzzing with nervous energy in the anticipation of six new arrivals. On Sunday morning, Dan and Renee went to the airport to pick up the girls and they agreed to meet with the rest at the Court. Kevin didn't know anything in particular about the rookies, except for the stats he kept in his head, but he didn't care much either way. If they could play and listen to him on the court he wasn't going to give a damn about anything else.

The briefing went as well as such an affair could, with Coach's awkward speech followed by the introduction of new players and instructions for their stay at Palmetto. Jack was their new striker who was going to be his and Neil's sub. He was good, and fast, but had a bit of an attitude problem and looked at Neil like he was going to run him over with a car. He doubted the kid was ever going to be at Neil's level, but it will be good for Neil to have some competition. He was going to have to learn to deal with all kinds of dickheads if he wanted to be a captain.

Sheena, the new defense dealer, was currently occupying Jack's lap and seemed aloof in anything Coach had to say. She was going to be a problem if she meant to project that indifference on the court, but he was going to leave that to Dan and Neil. Dealing with one apathetic goalie required almost all of Kevin's energy, and, besides, if she could pass him and Neil the ball he didn't care about anything else she did. The rest of the recruits were two backliners, Tony and Liam, a goalie whose name he already forgot and an offense dealer called Alex. Kevin was eager to start the practice especially because he had all kinds of new tactics and drills worked out in his head for the strikes, but they wouldn't start playing until the afternoon so his ideas would have to wait. Maybe he could fit in another game and talk to Neil about their lineup for the season.

***

The practice was a disaster, and Kevin blamed Neil for that. Everyone was already on the edge trying to get used to their new teammates, plus little dickhead couldn't have picked a worse moment to show off his temper. Aside from answering all of Jack's jabs and provocations instead of ignoring the idiot, he was completely uncooperative and responded to every Kevin's advice with a glare and a snarky remark.

"Hey, use less force in your rebounds, you'll never catch the ball like that. Even you aren't fast enough for that.", he said while watching Neil kick the ball into the wall and back into his helmet.

"Shut up, Kevin. I don't think I've ever seen you do a proper rebound if I wasn't on the other side."

_Damn_. True, but he wasn't going to tell him that.

"Yeah, well that's why I'm here, trying to get better, while you are throwing temper tantrums and acting like a spoiled brat just because one rookie doesn't like you."

"I guess I should take notes from you since nobody likes you", Neil shot back and threw the ball with such force that it went flying to the other end of the Court. 

Kevin was already pissed by then and he sure as fuck wasn't going to chase Josten's wild throws. "You can go pick that up for yourself and then do some suicide drills. I'm done with you for today. Come back when you get a hold of that attitude, we need to discuss the lineup." 

Neil flipped him off and jogged to where Aaron and Nicky were unsuccessfully trying to find some common ground with the fresh backliners. He looked around the court and realized none of them were faring any better than he and Neil were. Dan was lecturing Alex about something and gesturing wildly towards Coach, and Andrew was sitting in the goal and looking at Renee try to explain something to the new goalie. The only one looking like she didn't have any problems with her new sub was Allison, who chatted animatedly with Sheena, presumably about makeup or shopping while leaning on her racquet. He started toward them to tell them to quit fucking around and resume their drills, but they didn't seem to notice him.

"When you play with Matt or Nicky just be sure to move a lot, because they're slow and it will be easy to shut you down if you don't pay attention. Neil's fast so if the left is open he might be a better option than Kevin, who'd probably get the ball either way. Aaron's got a good eye on rebounds so if you're close to the wall just bounce it to him he'll -"

When Allison noticed him approaching she stopped talking abruptly and turned her attention to him with a familiar glare. 

_Weird. I didn't know she knew to talk tactics like that._

"What do you want, asshole?", she raised a brow, daring him to say something.

"Oh, nothing. Just wondering why you're here talking your mouth off when you should be doing drills." 

He saw Sheena roll her eyes and walk away toward the stands. "I know you'd rather be shopping right now, but we need these newbies ready for the season. If you can't handle Sheena, tell Dan so she'll - ", Allison interrupted him with a dry laugh. Something like hurt flashed on her face, but a moment later it was gone and Kevin thought he'd imagined the emotion.

"Don't worry, I've got it covered. You can go drag your incompetent ass back there and try to knock some sense back into your precious strikers, who are, by the way, currently trying to rip each other apart."

And surely, when he turned towards the opposite goal, he saw Neil and Jack shouting at each other and it looked like the encounter was seconds from becoming violent. Matt started to break them apart just in the moment Coach called the end of the practice and everyone else sighed in relief. There wasn't any point in debriefing practice or commenting on their behavior - Coach simply knew his Foxes had their ways of overcoming quandaries.

***

Kevin stared at the broken clock at the wall while waited for his food to arrive. He somehow ended up having dinner with Dan and Coach in the local diner after they finished changing. He didn't know when or why it had happened, but at some point during the second half of the last season, spending time with Dan became ridiculously easy. Her aspirations for becoming a coach made it easy for Kevin to strike a conversation about anything Exy related and she cared about the team winning as much as he did, though it wasn't just that -after one particularly awkward conversation with Coach, Kevin found himself calling Dan and asking her how is he exactly supposed to behave now that he's his father. Their conversation stretched out for hours and after that, Kevin felt lighter and more at ease - he didn't even itch for a drink to calm his nerves. Next time he did it, it was after one particularly grueling fight with Neil, and before he knew it, Dan became someone he could feel comfortable with and count on to understand some things.

So when she'd asked him if he wanted to grab something to eat with her and coach, he agreed, almost eagerly.

They'd ordered pizza and talked about the upcoming season. Dan sounded optimistic and had no doubts that, if they could get the recruits in shape for the season, they had a good chance of getting pretty far in the Championships. Coach grumbled something about setting them all on fire if they didn't get their shit together, but Kevin could see a proud gleam in his eye when he mentioned them being the ones to defend the title this year. 

After they finished their meal, Coach got up to pay for them and Dan leaned over the table with a worried glance pointed at Kevin.

"Hey there. How are you holding up?"

Kevin drew his brows together. "What do you mean? About today?"

A shake of her head. "No. As disgustingly awful today's practice was, that's not what I'm worried about. That is a standard procedure for us Foxes. I meant about Riko and what happened before the break." She paused as if unsure to continue. "I know you want it to seem like you've gotten over it, but that's not how grief works. And I'm sorry about our, about my, reaction to your anxiety back at Edgar Allan. I had a lot of time to think about that and it must've been hard losing someone you knew so well like that, no matter what they did to you. I just hope you understand why are others so bitter about it."

"They're right. I'm the one who was supposed to be bitter." He murmured into his palm and realized he was tapping his index finger on the queen tattoo on his cheek. Dan's head snapped up.

"What'd you say?"

"Nothing. It's just... I can't believe some part of me misses him after what he did to me", he said and looked at the scars at his hand.

At that, Dan just nodded. "You're allowed to grieve. Just don't forget where your family really is."

At that, Kevin felt an unfamiliar warmth reaching for him at the thought he'd made a family at Palmetto, but before he could say anything, Coach arrived and the heading out on the parking lot. Dan needed to grab something at the pharmacy, which left Coach and Kevin alone on the short walk back to the Court. Kevin didn't realize how grateful he was for Dan's presence at the dinner until the uncomfortable silence spread between the two men. Kevin stared at the concrete, unwilling to start a conversation about anything related to sport. How could he call the man a father if he couldn't even strike a semi-normal conversation with the man without any of them shouting? He didn't know if he was supposed to be acting differently around him, now that they both knew the truth, but he knew what Wymack thought about their relationship. 

_First his coach, his father second._

His thoughts circled back to the dinner, and he was surprised that he felt mad about Dan being able to talk so much more easily and openly with Wymack than he ever will. He remembered Riko, and Dan's promise about family and inadvertently scoffed.

Wymack seemed to hear it since he looked him in bewilderment. "What's the matter, son?"

Kevin knew Wymack occasionally called him that even before he knew about the parentage, but he still felt a bolt of anger shot through his core.

"Son, really?", he half-snarled, that familiar edge of venom creeping into his voice. Everything was easier when he was angry. "Save that for some other time, I thought you were the coach first."

Wymack looked something between shocked and angry, but Kevin didn't care. He obviously didn't expect Kevin to hear when he said that back in May, but Kevin unintentionally lingered long enough to hear him say it to one of the board members after the meeting. 

He didn't have the strength to hear what was he going to say next so he turned to the direction of the Tower with a loud sigh. "I can't believe I thought anything is going to be different."

***

His thoughts spiraled into worse and worse directions during his walk back to the dorms and he couldn't wait to raid Andrew's alcohol stash. He needed something to clear his head or he was going to have another panic attack. He took the steps to the third floor and stumbled into someone on the top of the stairs. The person took a step back and dropped their phone. Kevin began to apologize but when he looked up he saw Allison clutching her phone and looking furious. He was sure she was going to drop some snarky remark and already prepared his brain for a comeback, but surprise took over her expression and Kevin realized she must have noticed the disheveled look on his face. Kevin sidestepped her without another word and went into the dorm in pursuit of something he could get drunk from.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um so recruits, I know there's six of them and I found some material about Jack and Sheena on Nora's tumblr but made the rest of them up.
> 
> I really like the idea of Kevin bonding with Dan and them becoming friends of a sort. And Coach and Kevin... so Nora said their relationship is a rocky for a while before they learn how to communicate with each other, so there's that (it's not canon that Kevin heard what Wymack said but I added it for the sake of conflict).


	4. Chapter Four: Allison

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Foxes go to Eden's Twilight with Andrew's lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Playlist: Way Down We GO by KALEO

> It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.
> 
> André Gide

Allison pushed her sunglasses further up to stop them from sliding off her nose and snickered at a Starbucks worker who took too long to take her order. Her head throbbed like someone was shoving metal spikes in her brain and she felt like throwing up, so she wisely decided to skip her breakfast. She had to shove her way out of the shop and almost spilled her drink all over her shirt because some freshmen were too busy talking to mind their fucking step. It was the last weekend before the start of classes and campus was buzzing with activity. 

She turned her phone on and saw a message from Dan asking where she went so early. There was no point answering since she would see her in about five minutes—that is, if she didn’t end up in prison for murdering someone before. Hungover was a bitch.

Flashbacks of events from the last night started to make their way toward her consciousness, and Allison was suddenly glad she swallowed three aspirins with a bottle of water when she woke up. She went with the girls out for a few drinks after a week of exhausting practices but ended up making out with the captain of the swimming team in the corner of a small, but crowded bar. 

She was all nerves and the guy came as an agreeable distraction, plus he was a good kisser and offered to buy her a few drinks before asking her if she wanted to get out of there. Allison thought she was going to say yes, just when images of Seth, Riko and then, weirdly, Kevin, flashed before her eyes. That sobered her up almost instantly and ruined her desire to do anything so she excused herself and went back to the table where Dan was talking to some cheerleaders. With Seth's image imprinted in the back of her mind and worried glances, girls kept sending her, spending the rest of the night trying to pass out sounded like a better idea every second that passed.

When she entered their dorm, Dan shot her a weird look, but then noticed two cups of coffee Allison was carrying and cheered in approval.

"Shh, be quiet or I'm going to have to kill you", Allison said, squinting.

Bathroom door opened and Renee entered the room with a smile. She wasn't drinking so she had no problems with surviving the morning and being characteristically cheerful, but that didn't stop her from joining her and Dan on the couch watching some dumb sitcom. Allison thought she might fall back asleep after the second episode finished when she heard a knock on the door. 

"Oh for fuck's sake", she said and got up. Dan was snoring and Renee didn't give any indication of hearing the knock. Allison thought she imagined it, then she opened the door and was greeted by a grinning Neil who was still in his sleeping clothes with his auburn hair ruffled in all directions. He shoved a warm plate in her hands and she realized it was full of pancakes. "I brought you breakfast."

"What's up with you and the good mood?"

"Andrew was making pancakes and we couldn't eat all of them," he said simply, gesturing to the plate. 

"Thank you, Neil, they look amazing," Renee said from her spot on the couch. Neil sat beside her and started fidgeting with the remote and changing channels.

"Thanks, but I got shitfaced last night and am most likely to throw up if I consume anything but caffeine for the rest of the day." 

Neil shifted and threw a pillow in Dan's face. He was rewarded by a kick in his shin and a loud set of curses. 

"Dan, I said be quiet. Don't make me repeat myself,” Allison threw a pancake at her. Dan took a bite and kicked the pillow back at Neil's face. "What do you two want?"

"I brought breakfast and an invitation to Columbia tonight."

Allison said "No, thanks fucker" almost at the same time Dan shouted "What?"

"I asked Andrew if we were going and he said I could invite the rest of you if I wanted," he said simply, like getting Andrew to do something like that again wasn't a big deal at all. But he was Neil, and he got Andrew to do far more unlikely things than that.

"I'm still recovering from last night and it's not like I want to spend my evening watching Kevin and Nicky make fools of themselves."

"Come on, guys. We haven't been anywhere in forever and the classes start soon. Let's have fun tonight and then you can go on and be hungover and mean tomorrow." he said and threw the pillow back at Allison.

"Okay, we'll go," said Dan and Renee nodded. "He's right. Some team spirit will do us good," she winked at him and got up to eat more pancakes. "Thinking like a future captain."

"Did you invite the freshmen?" Renee asked.

"Yeah, I told them they could come, but so far only Alex and Tony looked like they considered it at all."

"Well, better some than none at all”, Allison said and left to take a shower.

......

She didn't know what time were they supposed to leave but she was pretty sure they were already late. Dan let her do her hair and it took Allison fifteen minutes just to comb it and she was only halfway done curling half an hour later. Someone was going to be pissed but she didn't care - they were the ones who wanted them to come. 

Renee tied her sandals and looked at the clock. She decided on a simple but cute turquoise dress and Dan combined her high-waisted jeans with a black crop top. 

"You both look hot as hell today." She said winking and looked at herself in the mirror. She wore an old leather skirt with her favorite heels and a silk shirt to get her skin some air in the heated club. She'd always loved dressing up - it made her feel powerful and gave her control of the things she used to feel helpless about. Now when she looked she didn't see a scared girl with an eating disorder, but a woman who could hold her own. 

She heard a knock and shouted: "Hold on I'm doing her last lock of hair."

"Come on, everyone else is ready." Annoyance was clear in Kevin's voice and she could hear him walking down the hallway. She grabbed her purse and they joined the others who were already headed toward their cars. 

They separated between Andrew's Maserati, Matt's truck and Alex's car and started piling up into their rides before heading out of Palmetto. Allison got comfortable and fell asleep for most of the ride to Columbia. She was still pretty hungover and her head started to hurt again. She would have spent the day sleeping and looking like shit if they weren't going to Columbia, but expensive makeup and three cups of coffee did wonders. She was likely to survive the night if she stayed away from alcohol and the dance floor. They pulled up at Sweetie's and she checked her makeup in the rearview mirror while others entered and sat down around the two tables Andrew reserved earlier.

She sat between Matt and Renee and ordered two scoops of vanilla ice cream before joining the conversation with Nicky about some new teacher he hated. He was all caught up in a dramatic monologue while Matt was shaking his head and laughing at every exaggerated gesture he made.

The group was without its characteristic heat, chatting about the upcoming season and the beginning of the semester. Foxes seemed at ease, all tension from previous weeks disappearing between sips of milkshakes and indulgent conversation. 

Neil and Dan were right: this small team building was a good idea.

Her train of thought was interrupted by a loud laugh that came from the other side of the table. Neil was explaining something to Kevin, gesturing heatedly with his hands in the air and Kevin was... well, smiling. No one else noticed, but Allison knew how rare and unexpected the expression was on his face. He laughed again at something Neil said and Allison couldn't help but notice how handsome he looked. He usually cleaned up nicely, but something about the lean fit of his black clothes and the way he unconsciously tapped the tattoo on his cheek made him look upbeat. Allison realized she was staring and quickly turned her face to where Nicky was wiping some soda he spilled all over the table. 

What an asshole. He's not even that cute.

She looked at the melted mess her ice cream had become and made herself eat another spoonful. She promised herself she'd never fuck around with food again, and even though she was hungover all day, skipping meals caused that old edge of panic to creep back into her mind. She was fine, she'd make herself a soup when they got back, maybe that'll bring back her appetite.

After everyone finished eating and Dan paid for the meal with Wymack's p-card, they got back on the road and headed to Eden's Twilight.

...

Allison was sitting on a leather couch, sipping her third glass of water when she noticed Andrew and Kevin emerging from the mass of bodies carrying another tray with drinks. Most of the Foxes took a few shots and then scattered over the dance floor, so the only ones left at the table drinking in silence were Neil, Andrew, and Kevin. She tried to catch a glimpse of her friends among the crowd in the club but spotted only Renee and Alex who were headed to the bar. She was playing babysitter tonight, even though none of the Foxes seemed drunk enough to need any intervention. After assessing the situation she got up and searched for the bathroom. Andrew must've picked up what she was looking for because he nodded in the direction of a dim hallway. She waved him in lieu of thanks and left to check her makeup in the better lighting of the bathroom mirror. 

Her steps echoed in the empty bathroom while she tried to fix her mascara. It was weird, in a club this size, not having drunk women falling over their feet trying not to throw up before they reach the toilet. Eden's Twilight wasn't a club she'd usually go to on her own, but she had to admit it wasn't so bad to go out with the monsters. Occasionally. She applied some more concealer over the bags under her eyes and put everything neatly back in the bag when she was satisfied with how she looked. The lack of sleep from the last night was already catching up with her and she'd need to sleep half a day tomorrow if she wanted to be functional on Monday. She stepped out into the hallway that led back to the main part of the club and stopped to check her phone. 

It was almost 2 am. She was sending a short message to Nina, a girl from her class, asking if she wanted to meet up for coffee tomorrow when a heavy body stumbled into her and slammed her into the wall. She wanted to yell at the moron to watch his step, but then a clammy hand covered her mouth and she felt the weight of a man pinning her against the wall.

"Hello there. I knew I must've recognized you from somewhere. You're that fashion designer's daughter. I always wondered what would it be like to-" She slammed an elbow into man's solar plexus and was just aiming for his crotch when a pair of strong hands grabbed his shoulders and pulled him off Allison. She recognized a tattoo on Kevin's cheek before his fist connected with man's jaw and he fell on the floor, seemingly unconscious.

Kevin dragged his hand through his hair, obviously surprised by what he'd just done even more than Allison was. She was still too shocked to say anything.

"Are you okay? " She realized he was talking to her and dragged her stare from the man on the floor to his face. "Do you want me to call someone about this?" He was still drunk, she could hear it from his voice and the way he leaned on the wall for support. But not nearly as much as he could get when he started sipping vodka into himself.

"Thanks. I'm good... Just tell someone he's here lying on the floor and they'll throw him out.” He nodded and turned in the direction of where the bouncers were standing. A moment later he seemed to change his mind and turned back facing her. "Are you sure you want to go alone around this place right now? Come on, let's tell them to pick him up and we'll go back to the table."

She couldn't argue with that so she followed him to the exit where he talked to the waiter who nodded grimly and motioned for the bouncer to follow him in the hallway. "Roland said he'd take care of him." He said for an explanation. "He knows the twins from when they worked here before."

Allison said nothing as they took their seats at the table. Kevin sat on the opposite side so he was facing her and resumed going through his shots. Neil and Andrew have disappeared somewhere and Allison came to a realization that they were alone for the first time after their screaming match after the finals and Riko's funeral. She was already exhausted from the entire day and night before, and that revolting encounter left her drained from all her remaining energy. 

She hated her parents' fans even more than she hated the paparazzi. How unfair it was to be hounded just because your parents decided to pursue the path of fame and accepted the downsides of it. At least they knew what were they getting themselves into. She didn't want any of that.

She let her head fall on the back of the couch and realized Kevin was staring at her with a weird expression on his face.

"What?" she snapped. She had no energy for his shit right now.

"What did he do to you? Did he hurt you?"

"Oh no, he just wanted to catch up and talk about the weather. What do you think he tried to do, asshole?" She hated dumb questions, and especially from people who didn't know what was it like, being looked at like a piece of meat. Girls shouldn't be targeted because they dressed nicely and looked hot - a skirt shouldn't be considered an invitation. Men had no rights looking at her like that, no matter what she wore or whose daughter she was and she had no problems putting anyone in their place if they crossed the line.

He looked a little bit taken aback by that. "Right. I saw him following you when you went to the bathroom."

"I could've handled him by myself. You didn't need to come back."

"Yeah, I figured you could take him, but still... solidarity." The edge of his mouth tugged up. She was still pissed, but she was kind of glad he didn't expect her to thank him. It was cool of him, in a way, helping her out even though he knew she could have done it by herself. 

"I hate it." The words left her mouth before she registered saying them. Kevin just tilted his head and looked at her for a moment. Never mind, she was going to say when he spoke.

"Hate being looked at like that or them knowing who you are?" 

She opened her mouth then closed it again. She didn't expect Kevin to come so near to understanding what happened. She felt like crying, but she was Allison Reynolds and she sure as fuck wasn't going to cry in front of Kevin Day in the middle of a night club. She turned her head to side and stared at the wall to hold back the tears. She could still feel that creep's sweaty hand over her mouth, the weight of his body holding her against the wall, his breath in her face and his voice in her ear... She shuddered. She hated feeling helpless more than anything else in the world.

"I used to hate it, too. I mean, I still hate it, but it's not so bad now as it was back there. I loved playing Exy and everything about it - I would have done anything for the place on the court and a pat on the head from Ma—Coach, but I hated having my life under the microscope all the time. All those fake smiles, and masks and words put in my mouth just to present a perfect image of the Son of Exy." He said the words with mockery, pride gone entirely from his voice. He was tapping his tattoo again, but Allison was too disheveled by that sudden piece of honesty to say anything. "I never asked for it, yet people act like it's something I took from them. Exy is not about fame - it's about excellence. It's about you and your game, not about the way your smile could charm the reporters or the amount of money your team got for you." 

He was saying it casually, but Allison could feel the bitterness behind the words. She understood exactly what he was saying, yet she was too afraid to say it herself. I want to be the best too. She'd thought it so many times, spent countless hours on the court wishing she could become the one with the game and play like she was the best. Kevin was at least famous for something he was good at, something he chose. 

"But you can't go back." She said instead. 

"Yeah. I can't. I'm just glad I'm out of there, that I can find myself and my game outside of some champion-making system that is more of a brand than a team, really. I want to be the best, but that doesn't mean I have to be the first or fucking second. I want people to see someone who fought his way to the top, someone to be respected, not some poser from posters."

He took another shot and rested his head in his hands. He was pretty drunk by now and Allison realized he wouldn't be talking like this if he hadn't had so much to drink.

"But what if that’s the point?", she started saying, more to herself than for the benefit of their conversation. He lifted his head, bewildered and motioned for her to continue. "What if you were supposed to fight your way and show them how much you're really worth, despite their commercials and prejudice? You're not worthless if you're famous, you're just seen as something less then a person. Yes, the whole world is watching you, but it can't be harder than starting from the bottom. People are stupid and can't comprehend extraordinary individuals - they can't rationalize someone being that good, so they turn them into abstract constructs of celebrities to ease their minds and tell themselves 'It's alright. He's not that good, nobody can be that good. He's just a guy from TV.'"

Kevin looked amused at that, but the serious expression returned quickly back to his face. He considered her for another moment before setting his last shot aside.

"I didn't use to look at it like that. Before... we used to be different." A dark look passed his face. "He used to be different. Riko... wasn't always like that."

At the sound of his name, something in Allison recoiled instantly. Every ounce of sympathy she had felt toward Kevin disappeared. She bared her teeth, feeling angry all of a sudden. Images of Seth's body leaned over the toilet filled her head. The echo her voice in the bathroom begging him to wake up.

"How can you still fucking mourn him after everything he did?"

"I don't- I don't mourn him. You have no rights - fuck... you don't understand. You don't get to judge me."

Now it was his turn to get angry. She could see how the booze made it hard for him to talk. She smelled blood and she wasn't going to stop until she heard what she wanted to hear. "No, you're right. I don't get to judge a person who killed someone I cared about. A fucking psychotic bastard who hurt people I care about repeatedly. An animal that -"

"He fucking hurt me too, Allison. But it didn't matter because I was never supposed to be better than him anyway."

He must've realized what he said because he looked like he smashed his face against the table. He got up instantly, but at that moment Neil and Andrew got back and started saying something to Kevin. They exchanged a few words before Kevin followed Andrew toward the exit. 

"We're going to go now, it's past 3 am. Let's go get the others."

Together they gathered the remaining Foxes from the dance floor and shepherded them into their cars. Allison drove Matt's truck for the short drive to the cousins' house since pretty much everyone except her, Renee and Neil had too much to drink. Cold air filled her lungs when she emerged from the car and she was suddenly all too aware of the chill spreading down her bare legs. She was tired from the day before and that excruciating conversation with Kevin and couldn't wait to go to bed. A slim arm hugged her waist and Allison turned to see Dan leaning on her and humming something softly. She leaned her forehead on her and went inside to send her dumb friends to bed.

No matter how tired she was, the sleep didn't come for her for a long time. She kept going through that conversation over and over again, Kevin's shocked face after she snapped at him being the last thing she saw before she finally fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um, no notes head empty, except for credit to Nora Sakavic.  
> Oh, and, that line about skirt not being an invitation is from Anne With an E (I changed it a little but I had to use it I love it so much).  
> Thanks for Kudos and comments <3


	5. Chapter Five: Kevin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first game of the season against the Breckenridge. The stakes are high.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Playlist: Unstoppable by Sia

Their first game of the season was a home game against their old rivals Breckenridge. Foxes were still a fractured mess, with chaos erupting at every wrong word or incorrect move, and they were no match for a team like that if they didn’t reach at least some semblance of unity in the remaining week. Kevin was a bundle of nerves, fully aware of how important this game was for them, and silently cursing ERC for scheduling it so early in the season. Breckenridge was one of the four strongest teams in their district, aside from Edgar Allan and Belmonte, and if Foxes wanted to prove their worth and get qualified for the Championships, they had to put up a real fight, and, preferably, win this game.

Kevin's faith in his team has flourished severely since their win in the finals against the Ravens. He always believed in the team and saw their potential, but in the last few weeks, he started to chase an unfamiliar feeling of pride and belonging. He wasn't Kevin Day, number 2, anymore, playing for himself and himself only. Ravens' regime and discipline brought him a certainty of success and inevitable glory, but for every time he saw scoreboard blazing red in Foxes favor and his teammates hugging him after a hard game, he knew he got something that was taken from him a long time ago. Every good scrimmage with Dan, complex pass with Neil or a hard shot Andrew managed to deflect on the other side of the court made his heart feel heavier and his mind clearer about the things he wanted from life. He didn't know when he decided to stop being a lone wolf, but he knew there wasn't going back from that point on. Maybe these orange idiots were his family after all.

He could see Neil’s anxiety levels increasing throughout the week as well, showing not only in the waves of his temper but the way Andrew kept closer to him as if he could shield him from the fear of failure he couldn't seem to shake. Their night practices intensified, with both strikers snapping at each other more often than usual, fiery matches of temper often ending in childish brawls. Neither of them wanted to admit how on edge they both were about the upcoming game, how important it was to them to show that Foxes weren't a team to be taken lightly anymore. Andrew joined them on the court more often than he didn't, and Kevin could see a general change in his attitude toward the sport. He didn't know if it was Neil's influence or Andrew truly began to care for something after so much time, but as he watched the ferocity with which the goalie deflected Neil's shots, he knew it didn't matter.

By the time Friday arrived, the entire campus was in frenzy, orange dresses and banners everywhere, students shouting and nudging Kevin every chance they got trying to wish him luck or give him advice for their game against the Jackals. Kevin was so annoyed by the time his history class finished that he decided to call it a day and wait for the first serve at the Court. He walked there and entered through the back door so nobody would see him. He was thinking about sitting in one of the couches in the common room and reading one of his history books until everybody else arrived when he spotted Dan at the computer in Coach's office. He came behind her and nudged her with a shoulder, upon which she reacted with a shocked yelp and a 180-degree turn that almost knocked the keyboard from the table. The surprise was gone from her eyes when she recognized him and was replaced by a tight smile and a middle finger. "Don't sneak up on me, idiot." 

"Not nervous at all, I see." He took the chair and sat beside her. A game from the last season was playing and he recognized Jackals' dresses.

"We really need this game to go well." She paused the game and got up from the chair to grab a cup of coffee. "This is my last year as a team captain and I really don't want to blow things up after the season we had. And yet, we are still a fucking disaster. I know the freshmen aren't going to get much time on the court, but still, if just one thing explodes the way it has been going for the last few weeks on practices it could ruin our entire game and everything we have been working for." 

She was pacing now, her coffee and the game she had been watching completely forgotten. Kevin was never someone for consolations and making others feel better. He always felt awkward talking about feelings and things, finding the simple truth and undeniable facts the most acceptable way of conversing, even if people didn't like them. Still, he didn't want to make Dan's anxiety any worse than it was, so he decided for something he knew best: stats.

"Okay, listen. I know Jackals are good and Foxes on-court look like a starving pack of hyenas trying to tear each other apart, but look at the facts. Here we are, last year's National Champions, the first team ever in the history of Exy to defeat the Ravens. No matter how much they underestimate and discredit us, you can't deny that they are going to be intimidated at least a little." Dan looked at him skeptically at that, but he continued. "We have the NCAA's best striker, the best goalie in the district by far, our defense is coming together and Neil is pretty damn fast and can score to anyone when he gets his temper in check and actually listens to me." He wanted to say the words only for the sake of convincing her that they had a chance, yet he surprised himself when he actually believed in them. "Also, our captain is batshit crazy and she won't let anyone get in her way."

She smiled at that and sat back beside him. "I can't believe I used to think you were a dick." 

"Don't push me. I still have a lot to say about your footwork in the scrimmages this week, but that'll have to wait for after the game."

"I'm taking that back." Kevin felt the end of his mouth tugging up. "And also, I'm getting wasted after this shitshow. If anyone tries to talk Exy after the game they're going to get a racquet shoved up their asses."

"Fine. Change of tactics. What are your thoughts on the lineup for tonight?"

She pulled a stack of papers from the drawer and started going through them. "Hm, Coach didn't give us anything yet, but I'm guessing it will be as you said - strong defense and very little freshmen time."

"Yeah, I was thinking of giving Jack two quarters, one to sub for Neil and other to sub for me, so we'll only play three quarters." That was still an unconventionally large amount of playing time for a player, but considering the two of them played full halves for almost the entire season, this was going to be a fucking vacation. Back with Ravens, or any other team for that matter, he would have played two-quarters tops, but Foxes were always an exception. He didn't mind though, difficult conditions only pushed them to become better. 

"I think we should give Allison two quarters since we need our defense really strong. And Andrew in the goal for at least half of the game." Dan said and Kevin nodded. Allison was fast and could interconnect the backliners with their strikers quickly if things started to fall apart. Jackals had a fast and effective offense line and they needed to shut them down in any way they could. 

“Also, we should mix Liam and Tony so they play with Matt and Aaron. That way we'll have more balance and less brawling on the court."

Dan agreed with him and wrote that down to talk to Coach later while Kevin dug another file on his mark for tonight. They spent the remaining hours until the first serve organizing folders and trying to find more holes in Terrapins' lineup.

....

"Where have you been? Everyone else is already on the half-court taking laps. Do you want us to be late because you take too much time to change?" 

He knew Neil had difficulties changing in front of everyone, but if they were going to be late because he was hiding in the bathroom he was going to strangle him. They still had time, but everyone else was already on the Court and Kevin was itching to start doing something with his nervous body.

"Fuck off, Kevin. We still have like an hour before the first serve."

They went to take laps and resumed the warm-up without another word. The Foxes were uncharacteristically quiet, their demeanor calm, and even the freshmen refrained from their bullshit for once. Kevin threw his entire self in the drills, his mind empty from all thoughts except for the precision of his movements and the familiar thrum of adrenaline in his veins. The warm-up ended all too soon and they were called to finish their final preparations before the start of the game. The lineup was similar to what Kevin and Dan discussed, so he would sit on a bench for the third quarter and Neil for the fourth. Kevin looked around to where his teammates were standing in silence and drinking water. They all wore grim expressions that held focus and vehemence. Kevin eventually saw that energy for what it was: not anxiety but sheer determination. Even Allison looked like she was in a zone.   
"Calm before the storm." Dan was suddenly standing beside him. He could feel the energy radiating from her and realized this was going to be one hell of a game.

"Let's give them hell." He said and clacked their racquets together.

....

The game started off at a brutal pace, the Terrapins determined to break them as soon as possible. After twenty minutes of playing, Kevin was already catching air from running all the way across the court trying to bypass Neil's mark. He felt his lungs contract and knew he overburdened himself doing such a long sprint. He was going to be fine, but he really needed a second to breathe so he motioned ti Andrew to wait a little bit before the serve. He felt bad for whining like this, but upon seeing Jackal players looking considerably more tired he instantly felt better. He knew he had more stamina than any of them, but he needed to keep in mind he was playing against well-rested backliners in the next quarter. He took a deep breath and waited for Neil to signal him the next move. They were two points behind, with the score 6-4 in Jackals' favor, but that didn't concern him at all since he knew the Foxes usually saved their strength for the later parts of the game. They just needed to keep their calm and not let the other team make holes in their defense. 

The second quarter passed much the same, with three points scored by both teams. Kevin chased the ball with the knowledge he was going to the bench for the next quarter, pushed himself faster and faster, striking against the defense and shouting instructions in French to Neil. Neil was doing pretty good, his fast movements and small size making him difficult to block and he managed to score three goals (the other four were Kevin's). When the buzzer sounded he slowly jogged to the home side of the Court to join his team in the break. Everyone was still nervous, but Kevin could see their demeanor changing into something more confident and threatening and he saw the real trouble for Jackals was just coming. He was going to sit out this quarter, preparing himself for the final push and Neil was playing the next quarter with Jack. He was a bit concerned about that, but he knew Neil understood how important this game was. Any disputes they had will have to wait until after the final buzz. They were still two points behind since their strikers managed to get three balls past Renee in the goal, but now that Andrew was going on the court he doubted the Jackals would have much luck scoring.

Coach was rambling off the tactics for the next half, which Kevin already knew, so he half-listened and half-watched his teammates interact before it was time for them to head back to the inner court. He pulled Neil aside and hissed "Don't fuck up everything we built up to this point by letting Jack getting the better of you."

He got a glare and a shove in response. "I know how important this is. Go sit and watch, I'll see you play with him next quarter." 

Little dickhead. "Go wipe some dust with them," He shouted and Neil grinned at him like he knew he would. 

He chewed on the cap of his bottle and went to sit next to Dan. She played the second quarter after Sheena did the first one, and now was resting to take the last one after Allison. They sat in silence and watch the two teams clash together. The game was losing friendliness and fair-play by the minute, but as hard as Terrapins tried to push, Foxes pushed back twice as hard. Aaron held the defense like his life depended on it and shouted something at Tony who nodded frantically and got back in position. Neil was a lightning bolt on the other side of the court, Jack at his side still struggling with his mark, but then, Neil turned in the other direction so fast the backliners had no time to react. He did a rebound and shot the ball with such speed that the lights flared red only a second later. Kevin jumped with a loud shout and grinned at Dan who was cheering loudly. The audience was in an uproar, PSU fans loud and proud from their places in the stands. Foxes were finally playing their game and it was glorious.  
Andrew shut the goals mercilessly and deflected the shots like it personally offended him to see the ball in front of his eyes. The frustration was slowly creeping between the other team's players as they were gradually pushed bach. They became more and more violent as the minutes passed and soon Kevin was almost fervent to get back on the court with his team. 

Kevin turned his gaze towards the middle of the court and watched Allison do a complex maneuver to retake the ball from the opposing team's dealer. She ran toward the wall and rebound the ball back to Neil who scored once more, evening the score. Dan shouted again, but Kevin was sitting with his mouth open. How did Allison do that? Her mark was right on her heels and she managed to a nearly impossible rebound to Neil who was pretty far away and at a tricky angle. Andrew blocked another shot from Terrapins' striker and the ball was back in the Foxes' possession. He passed the ball to Allison, who ran to pass it to Jack and Kevin couldn't help but stare. He knew she was good, but he never saw her being that good. He had never bothered to watch her play before, but now he wondered how much he had missed by doing so. She still wasn't anything spectacular and some of her moves lacked finesse, but the precision with which she moved, the way she felt the game like she knew exactly where the ball will be in every moment - Kevin was left speechless. She was a force to be reckoned with and Kevin suddenly wanted to be there on the court and play beside her. He didn't know how someone who seemingly didn't care much about Exy could play like that, could become one with the game in such manner. 

Kevin was too occupied staring at her that he didn't notice Jack punching his mark on the other end of the court and Neil screaming something at him before they both got in each other's personal space. He was going to kill both of them. The referee separated them and gave Jack the yellow card for his strike. The game moved on like before, only with more violence and patience running thin on both sides. Foxes were losing their cool for the other team's violent outbursts, but they still held their own and wouldn't let it distract them from the hardest part of the game that was yet to come. Kevin slid his gaze back to Allison who was standing in a low stance and waiting for the ball. She said something to Aaron who nodded and gestured to Andrew. He passed the ball to Allison, who shot it back to Aaron and ran towards the right side of the half-court. She waited for Aaron, who got threw the ball a little bit too hard and for a second Kevin was sure Allison was going to miss it, but she sidestepped her mark like he was a puppet and snatched the ball from the air. The next thing he knew she was running toward Jack who aimed for a shot at the goal and missed by an inch. Kevin stared at her in disbelief. Where did she learn that footwork? 

He looked at Dan who nodded like she knew exactly what he wanted to say. "You thinking what I'm thinking?" She turned to Coach and beckoned him to come closer. "I think Allison should take the last quarter. She's destroying their offense, we need a strong finish and I think we can make it with her and Matt holding the defense line." Coach nodded like he too had that in mind. The buzzer sounded and finally, it was time for Kevin to rejoin the game. He put his helmet on and started toward their place on the court, clapping Neil on the shoulder on the way. "Nice job. Except for that bullshit with Jack." He didn't hear Neil’s response over the noise of the audience, but he was sure it wasn't anything nice. 

Kevin took his place, and when the game began, he unleashed everything he had left inside him. He felt rested and he used every last atom in his body to make his passes extra precise and his shots extra fast. Neil’s absence from his side was painfully obvious, but that didn't stop him from scoring two times in the next ten minutes. Jack was strong and he had a good aim, but he was far way from Neil's speed and perception. On the other side of the court, Terrapins' striker managed to get through their defense and score, making them only one point behind Foxes. 

Kevin managed to score once more three minutes before the end of the match. By now the audience was going crazy, orange color everywhere and cheering so loud Kevin couldn't hear his own breathing. He knew they just needed to stand their ground for the last three minutes and not let the other team get anywhere near their goal, so he withdrew closer to the home goal to build up their defense. Terrapins launched in their last desperate effort to turn the score, but the Foxes were ready, blocking everything the opposing team threw at them. And just when everyone was sure the score wasn’t going to budge, Kevin saw an opening to snatch the ball and ran towards the dealer currently holding it. Allison looked at him and it seemed she saw it too, but Kevin was already close. He slammed his racquet against the dealer's and picked the ball from the ground, looking for someone to pass it to, when he noticed Allison, already ten steps ahead of him. She was running toward the goal and waved at him with her racquet. Kevin picked the cue and threw the ball as fast as he could. Allison caught it, sidestepped the backliner in front of her and shot the ball in the goal a second before the buzzer sounded.

Kevin threw his arms in the air, shouting for their victory when he saw Allison grin at him from where she was standing near the goal. He grinned back at her and felt Dan's hands hugging him from his back and jumping at his shoulders.

He took a look at the scoreboard showing 13-10 in Foxes' favor.

.....

The post-game party was held in the basement. It was supposed to be just the Foxes and a few cheerleaders, but based on the number of people and amounts of booze Kevin saw on his short trip across the room, he assumed it was more like half of the campus came. Foxes were dragged around, clapped on their backs and congratulated by already drunk people loudly celebrating their victory. He slid past one some girl from the swimming team who was trying to strike a conversation about the game and found his team drinking on a couch and laughing at something Matt said. 

He sat on the floor at Neil and Andrew's feet and started piling up vodka shots he planned on drinking tonight. They toasted and kept drinking together surrounded by the sound of music and celebration. Neil and Matt launched into discussing highlights of the game, and soon the entire team was vividly gesturing and shouting over each other.

Matt sounded proud describing Neil's two goals in the second quarter, which were pretty good, but Kevin needed to add just for the sake of banter: "Yeah, if he hadn't chickened out every time Jenkins ran at him, he would have scored at least two more."

He felt something hit his head and turned to see Neil throwing pretzels at him. "And you tripped over your own feet. Shame you didn't fall, I'm sure John would have caught you." He had tripped and it was pretty embarrassing, but he was tired and didn't know Andrew was watching him. He flipped him off just as he heard Dan yell over the voices of Nicky and Aaron bickering about something.  
"Hey, when we're at highlights, did you fuckers see what Kevin and Allison did back there? I thought it was over and then saw those two sprinting across the field and scoring in the last moment!"

That caused a loud howl of approval and lots of "how amazing was that epic goal in the last two seconds" from their teammates. Kevin risked a look at Allison, but she just raised her eyebrows at him. Her cheeks were flushed from the game and alchohol and she looked especially beautiful just hanging like that in her sweatpants and high ponytail. He still couldn't stand her - she was selfish and had a dickish attitude, but Kevin wondered if she had any more surprises like the ones he saw today. He suddenly remembered their conversation from Eden's last week and how shaken she was after that. They had a lot to agree on for two people who couldn't stand each other for longer than 10 seconds. He couldn't recall everything they had talked about, but he did remember her being less snarky, which was no wonder considering what happened to her in the bathroom. No one could uphold that kind of attitude for the eternity of their lives. Until he brought up Riko... He dug out his phone to check his messages before he started staring too much.

He had a missed call from Jeremy from an hour ago. He got up and walked outside away from the deafening sound of drunken students so he would be able to talk properly.

"Hi, Jeremy."

"Hey man, congrats on tonight! That was one impressive game."

"Thanks. What's up with you?" 

"Umm... Nothing in particular, we have a weekend off before we start the preparations for our first game this year. I want to try something different with the team this season." He heard a muffled shout and Jeremy yelling something back. "Sorry about that, Laila says hi and congrats."

"Uh, tell her thanks," Kevin said. "How's Jean?"

Jeremy hesitated before answering. "Well... he is not good. It's a lot and he needs to adjust to the fact that we're not here to hurt him. I feel like I'm not getting the whole story, but I don't expect it from either of you to tell it after all that happened. But don't worry, he is going to be better, I'll watch out for him." Kevin didn't know what to say to that so he just exhaled. "He is crazy good at the court. You should call him, even if he might not answer.”  
Kevin hesitated. Calling his and Jean's relationship complicated was an understatement at its finest. He knew it was broken and never going to be the same again, but he didn't even know if it could be fixed in any way. After a few seconds of silence, Jeremy took that as his cue to move on from the subject of the Trojans' backliner.

"Anyway, I'm glad you called because I wanted to tell you something else."

"Yeah? What is it?" Kevin heard the concern in his voice and knew he wouldn't like what he heard next.

"Well, Thea called me."

Oh. Shit. Another problem Kevin was going to delay. Again. "I was going to talk to her... later."

"Later meaning next time she comes banging at your door demanding explanations?"

"Um..."

"Look, man, I don't want to get between you two or anything, but she sounded really concerned. She really cares for you, you know. I think she wanted to give you space after everything that had happened, but I don't think she appreciates being ignored. I thought you two found some sort of middle ground back in May."

Kevin found his voice then. "Yeah, we kind of did, but... Look, I'm not trying to screw with her or hurt her it's just - She's Thea, and I don't think I'm in a place to be with anyone like that right now... And I'm not trying to ignore her, I'm just trying to figure out what’s going on."

"Okay, I get it. Just call her and try to tell her that, she deserves as much."

"Right. Okay. See you, Jer."

"Bye, Kevin."

He hung up and went inside to get drunk and try to forget Jeremy's words about the former Raven, at least for tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this one was really fun to write - especially because Kevin and Allison are starting to be cute.  
> All credits go to Nora Sakavic.


	6. Chapter Six: Allison

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Foxes play one of their last games that fall against Edgar Allan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Playlist: Falling by Harry Styles

> It isn't a disgrace not to reach the stars, but it is a disgrace to have no stars to reach for. 
> 
> Benjamin E. Mays

Allison shoved her sneakers into her bag and hurried to catch Dan on her way to the bus. They were just packing their gear when it started to rain and Allison was already ticking off from the thought of her hair getting wet. Dan chuckled while watching her try to pull up her hood with her one free hand. "Setting problems?"

"Fucking moisture," she grumbled but decided to leave the hood off. Her curls are going to go to hell the moment she puts her helmet on tonight. 

They were playing the Ravens tonight and Allison could already feel her insides turn at the thought of going back to that disgusting stadion. Although it held one of the best memories of her life, she knew what the Nest really presented and hated its black halls with the intensity only months of grief and pain could cause. Ravens lost a lot last spring, but they were still a team used to winning and they would not falter to crush the team that brought them down. Foxes were already seated on the bus, but no one was talking. They all knew what was at stake tonight and how important it was not to give in to panic and anxiety if they wanted to be at their best. Ravens were still one of the best teams in the district and winning this game could be their final point in proving their last season’s success was no accident. 

October passed without a hitch; Foxes had used their momentum of the first win and set a vicious streak of 5 wins in a row. They leveled up their game and were aiming high, anyone could see that. The question was whether they could keep that pace and score enough to be ranked first by the end of fall. Freshmen were still causing difficulties whenever they could, demolishing the already fragile balance and bringing chaos into their ranks. Most of the incidents were just harmless brawls that more often than not ended up settled by either Dan or Coach, who took it upon themselves to put out the fires before the team slaughtered each other, but there were a few skirmishes between Neil and Jack that ended in bruises and extra laps every now and then. Gradually. Allison came to see they indeed made a damn good team when put together, albeit in need of some careful shepherding in the right direction.

Allison took the seat behind Renee and put her headphones on as they took off for Edgar Allan. She had been dozing off for a couple of hours when the sound of Kevin and Matt debating something woke her up. Her leg was bent at an awkward angle and she sighed, resigning with the fact it was going to be asleep for a while. She stretched and sat forward to join the conversation, which was, unsurprisingly, about the upcoming game with Ravens.

She wanted to chime in when Kevin started discussing the Ravens’ lineup and which of the Foxes would be the best match for their backliners, but bit her tongue at the last second. Then it would look like she cared and she could absolutely not let that happen. Her inner Exy nerd could freak out all she wanted, but her resting bitch face will remain intact. Kevin threw occasional glances at her while talking as if checking if she was still listening or even daring her to say something. Allison shook her head a little. After their first game with Jackals, something changed in his attitude towards her. He looked at her with some sort of curiosity, like he saw something he couldn't explain. He began to notice her on practices and even giving her advice (even though most of it made her want to shove a racquet down his throat.) She started to feel anxious for letting her commitment show on the court that night, but she refused to let that dick make her feel bad for enjoying the one thing that meant the world to her. She broke eye contact and leaned back while Kevin continued rambling about tactics and listing out stats like not saying it out loud physically hurt him. Dan and Matt were listening to him intently, interjecting with their suggestions from time to time and soon their little discussion attracted quite an audience. Jack and Neil joined in and soon the conversation became a full-on war plan against the Ravens. At least talk about demolishing their opponent's lineup seemed to ease the pregame tension.

Not much later the bus stopped at a gas station and Coach announced a short break before the remaining two hours of journey to the Edgar Allan. Allison got up, eager to get some coffee and stretch her limbs in the fresh air. She wasn't a big fan of road trips under normal circumstances, and this excruciating ride was turning into a living hell.

The last two hours after the break passed in a blur of conversation and everybody trying to hide how much they were freaking out. When the bus parked in the lot in front of the Nest and everyone started grabbing their bags from the trunk, Allison glanced at Kevin, hoping to see some indication of panic taking over his features, but there was none. He wore a mask of calm and focus and Allison wondered how much it cost him to put on that facade for the world. The black halls of the Nest only amplified the Foxes' anxiety and by the time warmups started, everyone was back in the zone, ready to wage war.

The game went pretty much as everyone expected, with Ravens' playing as dirty as they could and desperately trying to crush Foxes' spirit and, presumably, their skulls. Her team didn't respond to any of their taunts, semi-legal bodychecks or even violent displays of temper that escalated from time to time. Well, except for Jack who got himself red-carded after punching one backliner while he was on the ground. Coach looked like he was going to hang him the moment he reached the bleachers.

Foxes ended up winning by two points, but no one was up to much celebration after the shitshow that game was. Ravens were no longer a team to be respected, just the one to be feared because they were most likely to send one half of a team to a hospital. Allison was playing the second half and her mark seemed particularly set on beating the life out of her. She got a racquet in her stomach, an elbow in her cheekbone and a few nasty bodychecks against the wall that knocked the wind out of her lungs. The stands were full of Raven fans booing, but Foxes didn't give it a second thought, they just wanted this to be over. They lined up for an obligatory handshake that neither team was thrilled to be doing and hurried off the Court to get changed. Allison told her mark to get fucked and bowed mockingly to the new Raven captain before heading for the locker room and sweet sweet freedom.

She took her time showering and changing, expecting new bruises on her abdomen and knowing a similar one was already blooming all over her cheek. She was lucky the elbow didn't get her eye, but she'd still have to ask Abby to put something on that so she wouldn't be sore the entire week. She stepped out on the parking lot on her way to the bus when she noticed Dan and Kevin being hounded by a pair of reporters, deciding to stay a little closer and wait for Dan in case she needed saving from the vultures. The interview was mostly routine questions about the game, with some praises for the Foxes' advancement this season or the questions about their upcoming plans.

Until the female reporter practically shoved the microphone in Kevin's face and asked: "Kevin Day, it is surprising how quickly you have recovered from the death of your adoptive brother. Is your new team truly enough to fill the hole of his absence left?"

Kevin paled at that, so much that Allison thought she might see through him. "I... what?" He looked like he might throw up, but the bitch obviously wasn't done with the questions that were out of place

. 

"Is it convenient for you, having him dead, so you can be the best player in the NCAA now? "

_Wow. That was a low one._ Luckily, Dan intervened before Kevin could go into full panic mode. "Kevin and his mourning are none of your damn business." She took hold of his arm and pulled him toward the bus. "This interview is over." The reporters tried to say something else but were stopped by Andrew and Neil who looked like they might murder someone if another person mentioned Riko Moriyama.

Will this fucking day ever end.

Allison took off after them and listened to Dan ramble about how fucking insensitive the reporters could be, but Kevin gave no indication of listening to her. He looked at Andrew who just nodded at him and motioned to the back of the bus. Dan seemed to pick up and clapped Kevin on the back of his shoulder before turning back to Coach who looked at them with a worried expression. It was obvious he wanted to say something to Kevin, he just didn't know what. Allison climbed into her seat on the bus and watched Kevin and Andrew settle on their seats behind Neil. Andrew pulled two bottles of liquor and two men began to drink at the end of the bus like it was the most common place to do so. Neil was sitting with his chin propped up on his leg and stared at them with a tired look on his face. They didn't talk, the three of them, they just sat there like the silence surrounding them held all the answers they ever needed to know.

Allison thought it was funny, how a person like Riko, who hurt so many people and destroyed so many lives could still be mourned, while Seth was never missed by anyone. Sure, he was a dickhead and an addict, but he never hurt anyone. She felt that bubble where she kept her anger threaten to explode, but weirdly enough it wasn't directed at Kevin's cowardice this time. She came to understand his feelings of Riko weren't as black and white as she thought, but a complex net that got too fucked up after years of manipulation and abuse. She would never become a Kevin Day apologist, but she could perhaps understand where all of his pain came from.

He caught her staring so she just rolled her eyes and turned her head back in her pillow to sleep on the drive back.

.....

A gentle hand on her shoulder pulled her out of her fitful sleep and Allison opened her eyes to see Renee's face staring down on her. "Come on, Al. We're here. Everyone else already left the bus. Sorry, I didn't notice you were asleep."

"Why didn't you wake me up earlier?" She tried to chase away sleep from her eyes, but without success. She was so fucking tired. Maybe she should just spend the night on the bus.

"I don't know really. Everyone was so tired and they just got out. I didn't see you under that jacket until right now." Renne said with an apologetic smile and Allison knew she couldn't blame her she was incapable of hearing the bus stop and everyone else leave. She helped Renee put away the rest of their gear and lock the bus before they took off in the direction of Allison's car. 

When they got to the Tower, Renee motioned for Allison to go on without her. "I promised Stephanie to call her when we arrived. We haven't talked in a while so this is going to take some time. You don't have to wait for me, go to sleep." 

Allison shrugged, too tired to complain much. She glanced at her phone and saw that it was almost 3 am. If anyone tried to get her out of her bed before noon there would be dead bodies to take care of. She took the elevator to the third floor and shouldered her bag before digging through her pocket.

_Fuck._ She forgot her keys.

She knocked a couple of times before giving up and dialing Dan. No answer. She was either with Matt or sleeping with her head in the wall because there was no way she wouldn’t have heard all of that. She dumped her bag and decided to wait for Renee when she spotted a silhouette of a man on the stairs between the third and the fourth floor. There was a bottle set aside on the step and another one in his hands. 

_Right. Kevin._ Who else could it be?

She didn't want to be dealing with his moping right now, but she somehow couldn't get that past haunted look on his face after the interview. She took the steps to where he was sitting and sat down two steps lower. Kevin’s eyes had been closed, but he opened them upon hearing her approach and was now intently staring at her.

"Hey there, mopey. Can I join your depression train?"

He offered her the bottle without saying anything and she accepted it, taking several sips of whiskey and welcoming the familiar feeling of her insides burning. “No vodka this time? I thought that was your personal favorite."

"Andrew was buying and he hates vodka, so I had to suck it up." He said it like he was annoyed, but Allison could hear an edge of a smile creeping into his voice. She considered him for a moment. "You don't seem too wasted. What, did it already evaporate?" She pointed at the empty bottle at his feet.

"We shared." He raised the bottle he was holding and put it next to the empty one. "I'm not the only one with the unpleasant memories from there."

"Right. Surprisingly, your full panic mode hasn't turned on or all that wouldn't be enough." Part of her thought she was just fucking with him, yet the other part was genuinely curious about his messed up mental constitution. He got better at dealing with the Ravens and the Nest. He seemed almost untouchable at the game that day, until the moment that reporter started picking up things that should have definitely been left unsaid. Guess some wounds stay open forever.

He just looked bored at that and rewarded her jabs with that infamous condescending look of his. "What do you want here, Reynolds?"

"Dan locked me out of the apartment. Don't worry, I'm not here to have another heart to heart with you." She was better off staying in the safe zone with him. Their bickering was easy. It was talking she was afraid of. Nothing good could come out of having things in common with Kevin Day. She should knock on Matt's dorm and ask Dan for the key. Or she could search downstairs for Renee. She could even go to some cheerleaders’ dorm and ask them to crash. They'd be okay with that, girls were used to helping each other out. 

Yet she couldn't make herself get up and head downstairs. 

She got up and sat on the same step Kevin was, turning so she was facing him. His eyes were half-closed and his dark lashes threw shadows over his eyes, but she could still see the green in them. He was tapping at his tattoo again and she wondered if it was a conscious action or if he was doing it unintentionally. 

"What was that about today?" He frowned in confusion and gestured for her to elaborate. "That reporter, and you, chickening out of the interview when she asked about Riko?"

That cold rage was back in his green eyes the moment she finished with her sentence, but his face remained expressionless. "I don't know why are you so dead-set on me fretting over Riko. I don't miss him. I don't mourn him. I spent too much time surrounded by people he hurt and things he ruined. I grieve the brother I used to have, but the other day it hit me I should have buried that boy years ago." He leaned his head against the railing and propped his long legs so he could rest his hands against them. "Look, I'm sorry about Seth. But that wasn't my fault. None of it was. You and Neil both like to act like me standing up to him could have stopped some things, but it couldn't. I had always been property and I didn’t get to vote about what he could or couldn’t do."

Allison could do nothing but stare at him, trying to find her words. She thought he'd snap back at her, but she never thought he'd try to apologize. She still refused to pity him, but she decided to stop torturing him over something he already had a lot to beat over himself about. She knew perfectly well how it felt to be alone with one's poisonous thoughts. She was also her parents' property in a way, only they tried to create some illusion of a family from time to time. Fancy dinners and pats on the head. They even let her play Exy when she asked. But when it came to business, she was always just another pretty face for the commercials.

She thought about a little, dark-haired boy following Riko around with an Exy racquet and felt a pang of sadness in her chest. But she wasn't going to talk about that with him, it was simply to much.

"I didn't mean that. I meant what she said about you being the best player now." The moment those words left her mouth she realized how stupid they were. Of course, she knew what they meant, but so did Kevin because he raised his stare to look at her, only this time the anger was gone from his features.

"I guess she meant that now I could finally try to find my place as a player without constantly being compared to him. Although I doubt it. Everyone is going to keep wondering what would come out of the two of us if he hadn't died. I wonder if I'll ever be able to get out of his shadow."

"Well if you keep thinking like that you won't." There was no such thing as escaping your demons if you let them into your mind over and over again.

"And what about you? What do you keep running from?" He looked at her like he knew the answer, and for the first time in forever, Allison thought she wanted to tell someone. She wanted someone to understand, to hear her talk about her dreams and not laugh in her face. Kevin was an insensitive bastard and Allison felt like laughing at the fact that he was the first person who could understand her right now.

"What do you mean?" She wasn't going to back out of this conversation. Not today.

"I don't know exactly. But I saw the way you played and I know someone who doesn't give a fuck can't do the things you have done on the court. I don't know why are you so afraid to show people that you care, but it's holding you back." 

There were a thousand things he could have said, and yet he managed to find the words that struck her the most. What if it was true? What if she never got to do things she wanted to because she was too afraid to admit wanting them. And yet, she was a woman and it was ten times harder for her to get through than it was for male players. Kevin could talk all he wanted, but the fact that Allison would be better off lowering her expectations would remain true. 

He was tapping at his tattoo again and looking at her with a look she couldn't quite place. And she couldn't take it anymore. She took his wrist and snatched his hand away from his face. It was warm and she could feel his pulse where she was squeezing his wrist. He had such delicate hands, long fingers uncharacteristic for an Exy player. She dragged her thumb over the thin lines left from the injury Riko caused that were still visible. Her breath caught at the thought of someone destroying a man's hand just because they felt threatened by his talent. Fucking disgusting. She realized what she was doing and dropped his hand as fast as she took it, dragging her stare back at his face. He was looking at her, his expression stuck between confusion and surprise.

"And what, you're going to turn me into another one of your proteges if I admit having a boner for the court?" she said to break the awkward silence. Bickering was familiar ground. Let's get back to that.

"Right. I do that for myself." 

Allison scoffed. Of course. He thought he was doing them a favor, sipping his infinite knowledge in their peasant brains and making them all worthy of his attention. "Sure. Charitable Kevin Day, always putting others' needs first."

He already seemed tired of the argument and stayed silent for a while. And just as Allison figured he won't even bother responding and started getting up to leave, he spoke, "You could come to practices with us. We don't bite."

Allison didn't know what to say to that. She didn't say anything about her trips to the Court when no one was watching. She also didn't say how desperately she wanted someone who knew more than her to push her in the right direction. But she sure as fuck didn't want any help from Kevin Day.

Luckily, the jangle of keys announced Renee's return. Allison bolted to her feet and started down the stairs. She said "Goodnight", but didn't stick for long enough to hear his answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted my loves to talk a little bit without screaming at each other.  
> For any questions or interactions about aftg you can add me on twitter (nightmaresblades) or Tumblr (bookishreviewsblog)


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